"I won't give you more... more than you can take. I might let you bend, but I won't let you break. I'll never let you go...."
Thank you, Jesus, for reminders and encouragement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0XYsfEyDA
Sunday, March 22, 2015
He Said
While jogging along tonight I came across an 'oldie, but goodie'. It came at the perfect timing as I was 'down in the dumps' again about losing the baby.
"I won't give you more... more than you can take. I might let you bend, but I won't let you break. I'll never let you go...."
Thank you, Jesus, for reminders and encouragement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0XYsfEyDA
"I won't give you more... more than you can take. I might let you bend, but I won't let you break. I'll never let you go...."
Thank you, Jesus, for reminders and encouragement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0XYsfEyDA
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Friday the 13th (Take two)
It seems unreal to me that it was just a month ago that I learned about this little baby. Four weeks we've known, celebrated, planned, discussed, dreamed of our little October baby. But this time around Friday the 13th wasn't so good to us.
I had some very small spotting on Thursday evening... not enough to even worry about really. Pink, super light, only when I wiped. But I worried. This time everything was different. I felt great! I was never sick. I had such few pregnancy symptoms the past nine weeks and that made me nervous. I was so excited for our ultrasound on Monday so we could hear the baby's heartbeat, see our little peanut and begin to share our wonderful news. Only this Friday the 13th wasn't so kind to us.
The bleeding got worse and worse throughout the day. Still only enough to wear a panty liner. But then I started to feel it... and then there were clots. The doctor said to come in. Wanted to check it all out and set our mind's at ease... or know if there was something wrong. There was something wrong. I could just feel it.
Ironic, sad, or just plain cruel but I had been so nervous about feeling so good with this baby that I looked into the rates/chances of miscarriage in the first trimester. The good news was: the longer you were pregnant, the less likely you were to miscarry. Actually, by 9 weeks the chance dropped down to the absolute lowest it would drop down to-- 2%. I was feeling good, I was looking good, and baby was exactly 9 weeks. Things were looking up!!
We prayed... and we prayed... and we prayed. We prayed together, we prayed apart. I know Jordan and my prayers aligned. There were all something along the lines of "keep our baby healthy and help our baby grow... but if that is not your plan Lord, then help us remember your plans are greater than ours... Your will be done Lord, Your will be done." But I really didn't want this to be His will. I really didn't want to lose this baby.
We got to the clinic a little after 3:00. The ultrasound wasn't good... I suspected it wouldn't be. She didn't see what she wanted to see, so she wanted to do an transvaginal ultrasound, too. I could go to the bathroom first. What a relief... I really had to go. Except this time, it was really not good. There in the ultrasound bathroom we lost our baby number two. It felt so strange.... and it felt sooo sad. My body hurt. My heart was broken.
In one of the worst moments of my life, God offered peace and understanding. As our sweet little Logan began to provide comfort to us in a way that we couldn't comfort each-other, He reminded us that HE is still in charge. "Your will be done, Lord, Your will be done." Logan curled in to hug and comfort me as I fumbled with the loss of his little brother or sister. Logan patted me on the shoulder and offered up kiss upon kiss as I wept with a broken heart. Logan provided healing through a way that was far greater than a human healing can be done. Jesus worked to remind us of His broken heart, His understanding and His healing through our healthy little boy.
Sadness... brokenness.... aches... pain... sum of the rest of that crappy Friday the 13th. God is the healer and provider and I strongly put my faith in His plans for our future and our family. I know He will provide for us. A little bit of my heart is missing today... a little bit might be missing forever. I am grieving our October baby and praying that God is comforting and providing for this baby in a way that we couldn't hear on Earth.
God is still good, even in this, God is still good.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-- Jeremiah 29:11
It was a really great 9 weeks, baby... really great!
I had some very small spotting on Thursday evening... not enough to even worry about really. Pink, super light, only when I wiped. But I worried. This time everything was different. I felt great! I was never sick. I had such few pregnancy symptoms the past nine weeks and that made me nervous. I was so excited for our ultrasound on Monday so we could hear the baby's heartbeat, see our little peanut and begin to share our wonderful news. Only this Friday the 13th wasn't so kind to us.
The bleeding got worse and worse throughout the day. Still only enough to wear a panty liner. But then I started to feel it... and then there were clots. The doctor said to come in. Wanted to check it all out and set our mind's at ease... or know if there was something wrong. There was something wrong. I could just feel it.
Ironic, sad, or just plain cruel but I had been so nervous about feeling so good with this baby that I looked into the rates/chances of miscarriage in the first trimester. The good news was: the longer you were pregnant, the less likely you were to miscarry. Actually, by 9 weeks the chance dropped down to the absolute lowest it would drop down to-- 2%. I was feeling good, I was looking good, and baby was exactly 9 weeks. Things were looking up!!
We prayed... and we prayed... and we prayed. We prayed together, we prayed apart. I know Jordan and my prayers aligned. There were all something along the lines of "keep our baby healthy and help our baby grow... but if that is not your plan Lord, then help us remember your plans are greater than ours... Your will be done Lord, Your will be done." But I really didn't want this to be His will. I really didn't want to lose this baby.
We got to the clinic a little after 3:00. The ultrasound wasn't good... I suspected it wouldn't be. She didn't see what she wanted to see, so she wanted to do an transvaginal ultrasound, too. I could go to the bathroom first. What a relief... I really had to go. Except this time, it was really not good. There in the ultrasound bathroom we lost our baby number two. It felt so strange.... and it felt sooo sad. My body hurt. My heart was broken.
In one of the worst moments of my life, God offered peace and understanding. As our sweet little Logan began to provide comfort to us in a way that we couldn't comfort each-other, He reminded us that HE is still in charge. "Your will be done, Lord, Your will be done." Logan curled in to hug and comfort me as I fumbled with the loss of his little brother or sister. Logan patted me on the shoulder and offered up kiss upon kiss as I wept with a broken heart. Logan provided healing through a way that was far greater than a human healing can be done. Jesus worked to remind us of His broken heart, His understanding and His healing through our healthy little boy.
Sadness... brokenness.... aches... pain... sum of the rest of that crappy Friday the 13th. God is the healer and provider and I strongly put my faith in His plans for our future and our family. I know He will provide for us. A little bit of my heart is missing today... a little bit might be missing forever. I am grieving our October baby and praying that God is comforting and providing for this baby in a way that we couldn't hear on Earth.
God is still good, even in this, God is still good.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-- Jeremiah 29:11
It was a really great 9 weeks, baby... really great!
Here we go again!! :)
Friday, February 13th... Friday the 13th-- yikes, right??
I guess Friday the 13th is lucky for us! I suspected that I might be pregnant as I prepared myself to take that lovely pee test. I wanted to know. I wanted to know b/c I was going to a concert that night with my mom and sisters... could I drink? Should I drink? I wanted to know because tomorrow was Valentine's Day. Would I be able to share the news with Jordan as we celebrated? I wanted to know because I needed to make a decision on what to do next year... will I stay in the high school or go back to the elementary? So many reasons why I needed to know. I was exactly one week late. I had taken a test earlier in the week to see b/c I knew there was a chance we could be. Negative.
So on this lovely Friday the 13th, I got up at 5:15 for our 6 am bootcamp. I worked out, showered, snuggled L-man and sent him off with his daddy to daycare. I took a pee.
I peed and I waited.... tick-tock, tick-tock...
I came back to see- the faint blue plus sign!! It happened, again! I cried, laughed, I prayed, I thanked Him. God's plans are far better than our own right? Only this time, our plans seemed to be somewhat aligned. What a great day! I spent the day soaking up the joy and newness of this little baby. We are having another baby. Logan will be a big brother. We will have two babies under two! Wow!
I'm more scared and less scared at the same time. I'm more excited and more nervous this time. I'm anxious and I'm calm. It's all new again. Every baby is a blessing, every baby is a miracle. This second little miracle is already loved so much!! We can't wait to meet you this fall, baby! We already love you so much!!
I guess Friday the 13th is lucky for us! I suspected that I might be pregnant as I prepared myself to take that lovely pee test. I wanted to know. I wanted to know b/c I was going to a concert that night with my mom and sisters... could I drink? Should I drink? I wanted to know because tomorrow was Valentine's Day. Would I be able to share the news with Jordan as we celebrated? I wanted to know because I needed to make a decision on what to do next year... will I stay in the high school or go back to the elementary? So many reasons why I needed to know. I was exactly one week late. I had taken a test earlier in the week to see b/c I knew there was a chance we could be. Negative.
So on this lovely Friday the 13th, I got up at 5:15 for our 6 am bootcamp. I worked out, showered, snuggled L-man and sent him off with his daddy to daycare. I took a pee.
I peed and I waited.... tick-tock, tick-tock...
I came back to see- the faint blue plus sign!! It happened, again! I cried, laughed, I prayed, I thanked Him. God's plans are far better than our own right? Only this time, our plans seemed to be somewhat aligned. What a great day! I spent the day soaking up the joy and newness of this little baby. We are having another baby. Logan will be a big brother. We will have two babies under two! Wow!
I'm more scared and less scared at the same time. I'm more excited and more nervous this time. I'm anxious and I'm calm. It's all new again. Every baby is a blessing, every baby is a miracle. This second little miracle is already loved so much!! We can't wait to meet you this fall, baby! We already love you so much!!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
A typical morning
In the life of a toddler mommy...
It looks something like this:
6:00 wake up (on own sometimes-- beautiful days when I can pee on my own, brush my teeth and MAYBE, just maybe pick out my outfit all before I hear the giggle/chatter/whine from the room next door).
6:10 get Logan up, change his soaking wet, over-flowing, peed through diaper. Maybe throw him in the tub and put his sheets in the washing machine.
6:20 fight with Logan about getting a diaper on and trying to dress him. OR make daddy do this while I begin brushing my teeth, hair and possibly getting dressed.
6:30-6:50 put three curls in my hair, throw some mascara on, find an outfit that matches all while chasing after Logan and keeping him out of the toilet, garbage and dresser drawers. Give in and let him pull every pair of socks out of the drawer b/c that is easier than bathing him again after he plays in the toilet... oh wait, did I put deodorant on yet?
7:00 finish putting myself together and picking up a million socks (or blocks or pairs of underwear...), make the bed, put dirty clothes away and possibly through a load of laundry in.
7:10 chase after Logan while throwing together an on-the-go breakfast (oatmeal anyone?) and plopping a container of lettuce in my school bag for lunch. Pick up all of the tupperware and put it away. Get Logan's shoes on, and grab his coat.
7:20 Get my bag ready and make sure Logan's bag has diapers. Throw my jacket and shoes on. Get Logan to put his coat on. Put away all of the utensils from the bottom drawer and throw away any leftover crackers (or other quick snack) off the ground.
7:25 fight with Logan to get him strapped into car seat (only every other day). Find something for him tohold throw in the backseat. Run back inside to grab my vitamins, another bag or whatever else I forgot on my first trip out.
7:27 listen to L sing/coo/laugh/chat in the backseat like a happy lark.
7:30 drop Logan off at daycare and watch him wave and blow kisses to me. My heart breaks... every.single.time.
7:35 arrive and work. Eat my breakfast, begin my day and miss my boy(s) like crazy. Stare at pictures of L and think of his silly laugh!
And the countdown begins... only 8 hours and 25 minutes until I get to pick him up! :)
It looks something like this:
6:00 wake up (on own sometimes-- beautiful days when I can pee on my own, brush my teeth and MAYBE, just maybe pick out my outfit all before I hear the giggle/chatter/whine from the room next door).
6:10 get Logan up, change his soaking wet, over-flowing, peed through diaper. Maybe throw him in the tub and put his sheets in the washing machine.
6:20 fight with Logan about getting a diaper on and trying to dress him. OR make daddy do this while I begin brushing my teeth, hair and possibly getting dressed.
6:30-6:50 put three curls in my hair, throw some mascara on, find an outfit that matches all while chasing after Logan and keeping him out of the toilet, garbage and dresser drawers. Give in and let him pull every pair of socks out of the drawer b/c that is easier than bathing him again after he plays in the toilet... oh wait, did I put deodorant on yet?
7:00 finish putting myself together and picking up a million socks (or blocks or pairs of underwear...), make the bed, put dirty clothes away and possibly through a load of laundry in.
7:10 chase after Logan while throwing together an on-the-go breakfast (oatmeal anyone?) and plopping a container of lettuce in my school bag for lunch. Pick up all of the tupperware and put it away. Get Logan's shoes on, and grab his coat.
7:20 Get my bag ready and make sure Logan's bag has diapers. Throw my jacket and shoes on. Get Logan to put his coat on. Put away all of the utensils from the bottom drawer and throw away any leftover crackers (or other quick snack) off the ground.
7:25 fight with Logan to get him strapped into car seat (only every other day). Find something for him to
7:27 listen to L sing/coo/laugh/chat in the backseat like a happy lark.
7:30 drop Logan off at daycare and watch him wave and blow kisses to me. My heart breaks... every.single.time.
7:35 arrive and work. Eat my breakfast, begin my day and miss my boy(s) like crazy. Stare at pictures of L and think of his silly laugh!
And the countdown begins... only 8 hours and 25 minutes until I get to pick him up! :)
That giggle...
Oh man, oh man does this little guy have the cutest giggle. I literally cry when I listen to him belly-laugh sometimes. It.is.SO.cute!! I think there is nothing sweeter than listening to a child laugh and enjoy life. It is sweet and innocent. L-man has been so funny lately. He will laugh at the silliest things. We can get him to giggle if he is tickled in the right spot. He likes to be scared and loves to play peek-a-boo. He laughs when his daddy makes funny faces and he loves to be chased around the house. His laugh is so contagious. Sometimes, at the end of the day, after the house is picked up, the floors are washed, the laundry is folded and I'm finally ready to sit and relax.... all I want to do is go wake up little L and get him to giggle. I don't do this (most days), but I sure want to.
His laugh melts my heart. His laugh makes me laugh. His laugh makes everything a little bit better.
Children's' laughter... nothing better!
Happy Thursday. May your weekend be full of love and LAUGHTER! :)
His laugh melts my heart. His laugh makes me laugh. His laugh makes everything a little bit better.
Children's' laughter... nothing better!
Happy Thursday. May your weekend be full of love and LAUGHTER! :)
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