My mom informed me recently that I am quite a bit short on my 2015 goal of one blog per week.
I think I will adjust and set a similar (more realistic) goal for 2016. Like I said to her, I'm sure I'll have more time and more information to blog about with two instead of one. :)
But for now, I'll enjoy listening to my husband read my son a Christmas story. I'll listen to my son reading back to him in his mumbled/jumbled toddler talk. I'll take a deep breath and enjoy this moment. Because, my oh my, this is just some of the greatest moments. And I'm off to join in the fun... it's almost tickle time and then bedtime prayers. My heart is happy.
Monday, December 7, 2015
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Stung... ouch
I can remember a time as a young girl that I was stung by a big, yellow bee. I was wearing bright yellow knee high socks and that bee stung me right in the leg through those bright socks. Ouch...
I remember it hurting. I remember using ice. I remember my mom telling me that they are attached to yellow colors. I bet I didn't wear yellow again for months!!
Well today, after an eventful morning at church with rally Sunday and games and breakfast I came home ready and rearing up to get things done around here. Sweet Sunday afternoon. Jordan would be watching the game, Logan would be napping and I would be getting the house cleaned from top to bottom, the laundry washed, folded and put away for the week, presents wrapped for upcoming events and all my lesson plans done for the week at school. (Ambitious.. maybe-- I like to think determined! :)) Well... as I was working on sweeping the front porch I was stung. I don't know what stung me, I assume a bee, maybe a wasp? Boom... I went down (not really down, but down and out if you know what I mean). I may be a little dramatic when I say that this was my worst injury yet to date. But, man on man, it HURT. I didn't even see it coming. I never saw anything that would sting me, never felt it around me, just felt the STING.
Well, since my sting (approximately two hours ago), I've iced my neck multiple times, changed into sweat pants, and laid on the couch.
Point being? I guess I won't be crossing much of my list today. I'd rather do nothing and baby my wound than any of my to-do list items. I know I'll regret this later. But for now, rest is necessary.
P.S. I know this is a ridiculous post. That is how much this sting hurts... that I've trying to make myself feel better by writing about it.
1 Corinthians 15:55-- "Oh death, where is your victory, where is your sting?"
I remember it hurting. I remember using ice. I remember my mom telling me that they are attached to yellow colors. I bet I didn't wear yellow again for months!!
Well today, after an eventful morning at church with rally Sunday and games and breakfast I came home ready and rearing up to get things done around here. Sweet Sunday afternoon. Jordan would be watching the game, Logan would be napping and I would be getting the house cleaned from top to bottom, the laundry washed, folded and put away for the week, presents wrapped for upcoming events and all my lesson plans done for the week at school. (Ambitious.. maybe-- I like to think determined! :)) Well... as I was working on sweeping the front porch I was stung. I don't know what stung me, I assume a bee, maybe a wasp? Boom... I went down (not really down, but down and out if you know what I mean). I may be a little dramatic when I say that this was my worst injury yet to date. But, man on man, it HURT. I didn't even see it coming. I never saw anything that would sting me, never felt it around me, just felt the STING.
Well, since my sting (approximately two hours ago), I've iced my neck multiple times, changed into sweat pants, and laid on the couch.
Point being? I guess I won't be crossing much of my list today. I'd rather do nothing and baby my wound than any of my to-do list items. I know I'll regret this later. But for now, rest is necessary.
P.S. I know this is a ridiculous post. That is how much this sting hurts... that I've trying to make myself feel better by writing about it.
1 Corinthians 15:55-- "Oh death, where is your victory, where is your sting?"
Saturday, August 15, 2015
summer lovin'... more like summer sleepin'
Oh my, oh my! I forgot how much fun it was to experience the first trimester of a healthy pregnancy. Well... actually, for me, it's not so much fun at all.
So here it is:
June- find out we are expecting-- over the moon for approximately 1 week.
Get sick.
Get tired.
Get more sick....and even more tired.
Chase Logan.
Throw up.
Sleep.
Throw up.
Chase Logan.
Disregard any and all normal 'duties' with the exception of keeping Logan alive.
Sick.. tired... sick... tired... SOOOO tired!
July-- Same
August-- getting better. Less sick. A little less tired. More energy. Cleaning my house again. Occasionally sick, not all day- not every day.
Do some fun things with Logan. Go for walks, go to the pool, play outside, build towers, dig in the rocks, shoot basketball hoops... play, play, play.
Oh... this is what summer is supposed to be like. Awesome!
Get ready to go back to work.
Praise the Lord for blessing us with a healthy toddler and a healthy pregnancy.
So here it is:
June- find out we are expecting-- over the moon for approximately 1 week.
Get sick.
Get tired.
Get more sick....and even more tired.
Chase Logan.
Throw up.
Sleep.
Throw up.
Chase Logan.
Disregard any and all normal 'duties' with the exception of keeping Logan alive.
Sick.. tired... sick... tired... SOOOO tired!
July-- Same
August-- getting better. Less sick. A little less tired. More energy. Cleaning my house again. Occasionally sick, not all day- not every day.
Do some fun things with Logan. Go for walks, go to the pool, play outside, build towers, dig in the rocks, shoot basketball hoops... play, play, play.
Oh... this is what summer is supposed to be like. Awesome!
Get ready to go back to work.
Praise the Lord for blessing us with a healthy toddler and a healthy pregnancy.
Third time is a charm??
Well as ironic as it sounds.... maybe three is our lucky number this time?
We are expecting--- again! :)
How very wonderful... how very scary!
So this is our third pregnancy. My pregnancy with Logan was great. Everything went smoothly. I was healthy. I enjoyed the pregnancy (minus the first twelve weeks) and the labor and delivery were mountaintop experiences. Then the Lord blessed us with our second baby. Unfortunately, He decided this baby was a blessing He wouldn't let us keep for long. After losing baby number 2 to a miscarriage at 9 weeks we were devastated. So that brings us to sweet baby number three. Oh what a sweet baby already growing and developing and changing inside my body. Oh what a sweet blessing to be able to parent another child. So lucky number three!
Here's the catch though. We are already 7 weeks pregnant now...and we just found out. God has a sense of humor you know. When we suspected that we might be pregnant I waited until 5 weeks to test (just like number one and two). I took the test fully expecting to see a big plus sign. No such luck. Negative.... weird. I was so sure that I was pregnant. Oh well... we'll try next month... my body is still recovering... we are getting balanced out... etc, etc, etc. But my period still didn't come. So why not try again at 6 weeks...maybe I am now? Nope...still negative. Now it's not only heartbreaking, but also frustrating. If we are not pregnant, then it'd be nice to have a period so we can start moving forward. Wait a week.... nothing. So lucky number three-- week 7, fully expecting a negative test but testing to make sure-- positive?!? What... really? Wait, maybe I waited too long before reading the result, maybe the test is faulty, maybe I'm not seeing it right. Let's try again... Oh-- yup, faint, but it's there. Positive. A plus sign.
So I did what I do when I find out I'm pregnant-- I cry. And I laugh. And Logan is there looking at me like I'm crazy... so I laugh some more. Then I pray immediately for God to protect this wee one. I pray for God to bless us and help us and guide us and keep us all safe. And then I'm laughing and crying and praying and hugging Logan and he is so confused so he just smiles up at me.
When Jordan comes home, I show him. We are both in some sort of disbelief. Se he says "well test again". Third times a charm, right. Third test, still positive. We are so happy. We are so excited. And truth be told, we are both scared. So... we are going to keep praying and trying to stay positive and keep our happy and excited feelings bottled up.
Baby number three: We love you. We know God has a plan for your life. We are so excited to be part of it. You will have the greatest big brother. We look forward to our future with you. Love, Mommy
"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!"-- Psalm 113:9
We are expecting--- again! :)
How very wonderful... how very scary!
So this is our third pregnancy. My pregnancy with Logan was great. Everything went smoothly. I was healthy. I enjoyed the pregnancy (minus the first twelve weeks) and the labor and delivery were mountaintop experiences. Then the Lord blessed us with our second baby. Unfortunately, He decided this baby was a blessing He wouldn't let us keep for long. After losing baby number 2 to a miscarriage at 9 weeks we were devastated. So that brings us to sweet baby number three. Oh what a sweet baby already growing and developing and changing inside my body. Oh what a sweet blessing to be able to parent another child. So lucky number three!
Here's the catch though. We are already 7 weeks pregnant now...and we just found out. God has a sense of humor you know. When we suspected that we might be pregnant I waited until 5 weeks to test (just like number one and two). I took the test fully expecting to see a big plus sign. No such luck. Negative.... weird. I was so sure that I was pregnant. Oh well... we'll try next month... my body is still recovering... we are getting balanced out... etc, etc, etc. But my period still didn't come. So why not try again at 6 weeks...maybe I am now? Nope...still negative. Now it's not only heartbreaking, but also frustrating. If we are not pregnant, then it'd be nice to have a period so we can start moving forward. Wait a week.... nothing. So lucky number three-- week 7, fully expecting a negative test but testing to make sure-- positive?!? What... really? Wait, maybe I waited too long before reading the result, maybe the test is faulty, maybe I'm not seeing it right. Let's try again... Oh-- yup, faint, but it's there. Positive. A plus sign.
So I did what I do when I find out I'm pregnant-- I cry. And I laugh. And Logan is there looking at me like I'm crazy... so I laugh some more. Then I pray immediately for God to protect this wee one. I pray for God to bless us and help us and guide us and keep us all safe. And then I'm laughing and crying and praying and hugging Logan and he is so confused so he just smiles up at me.
When Jordan comes home, I show him. We are both in some sort of disbelief. Se he says "well test again". Third times a charm, right. Third test, still positive. We are so happy. We are so excited. And truth be told, we are both scared. So... we are going to keep praying and trying to stay positive and keep our happy and excited feelings bottled up.
Baby number three: We love you. We know God has a plan for your life. We are so excited to be part of it. You will have the greatest big brother. We look forward to our future with you. Love, Mommy
"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!"-- Psalm 113:9
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Logan's words
Truth be told, he's a man of few words. :)
He is just shy of 1 1/2 years old. He will be 18 mo. in 9 days. At this current place in life he is starting to say more and more, but is probably much less talkative than others his age. A list of the words he currently has.
Dada
Momma
Eeeze (please)
die-die (bye-bye)
no, no, no
yeah
moo (what a cow says)
uh, uh, uh (what a puppy says)
papa
mama
gama (grandma)
dat (that)
Rah-Rah
He also speaks his own language (which might be part of the problem). He will go to town talking a mile a minute in a different language, but we are yet to encrypt some of those messages. It's so fun to be part of his words. It's so fun to be part of his life.
He is just shy of 1 1/2 years old. He will be 18 mo. in 9 days. At this current place in life he is starting to say more and more, but is probably much less talkative than others his age. A list of the words he currently has.
Dada
Momma
Eeeze (please)
die-die (bye-bye)
no, no, no
yeah
moo (what a cow says)
uh, uh, uh (what a puppy says)
papa
mama
gama (grandma)
dat (that)
Rah-Rah
He also speaks his own language (which might be part of the problem). He will go to town talking a mile a minute in a different language, but we are yet to encrypt some of those messages. It's so fun to be part of his words. It's so fun to be part of his life.
Putting your shoes on
Oh how I love to be home with my little guy. We are just one week into summer vacay and I've learned more from him (about him) and with him in the last 5 days then I have in the last 5 months! That makes me sad.... I don't want to miss my time with him because of work. But... I have summer, and school breaks and some flexibility with my job to be with him more than other professions. I have to remind myself of that.
But anyways... on to the shoes.
Logan LOVES to go outside. This is not so atypical of most 17 month-olds. He can't wait to get out into the yard, street, swing, wagon, stroller or anything else that signifies freeing him from this cage (we like to call in home). When we say "Want to go outside?" or "Should we put your shoes on?" he runs to his shoes and grabs them for one of us to put on him.
It's been funny to watch him lately though b/c he is not only aware that his shoes bring him outside, but that all shoes can do the same thing. He has started to drag shoes to us to notify us when HE is ready to go outside. After all, we are on his schedule, right?!? :) He has also started to put other people's shoes on his feet and trying out the feeling of new shoes when he is able to. Perhaps my favorite thing, though, is when he wants to help us put our ooozze (shoes) on. He doesn't realize that his shoes might not fit us... If it's a shoe, it should fit! :0
Oh it's fun. It's fun to watch him. It's fun to put his shoes on. It's fun to see him make new connections all the time. We love putting our 'ooozze' on in this house.
Happy summer! :)
But anyways... on to the shoes.
Logan LOVES to go outside. This is not so atypical of most 17 month-olds. He can't wait to get out into the yard, street, swing, wagon, stroller or anything else that signifies freeing him from this cage (we like to call in home). When we say "Want to go outside?" or "Should we put your shoes on?" he runs to his shoes and grabs them for one of us to put on him.
It's been funny to watch him lately though b/c he is not only aware that his shoes bring him outside, but that all shoes can do the same thing. He has started to drag shoes to us to notify us when HE is ready to go outside. After all, we are on his schedule, right?!? :) He has also started to put other people's shoes on his feet and trying out the feeling of new shoes when he is able to. Perhaps my favorite thing, though, is when he wants to help us put our ooozze (shoes) on. He doesn't realize that his shoes might not fit us... If it's a shoe, it should fit! :0
Oh it's fun. It's fun to watch him. It's fun to put his shoes on. It's fun to see him make new connections all the time. We love putting our 'ooozze' on in this house.
Happy summer! :)
Leviticus 26:12
'I will also walk among you and be your God, and you shall be My people.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Walking#sthash.M9QhPhyq.dpuf
"I will also walk among you and be your God, and you shall be My people." --Leviticus 26:12- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Walking#sthash.M9QhPhyq.dpuf
Leviticus 26:12
'I will also walk among you and be your God, and you shall be My people.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Walking#sthash.M9QhPhyq.dpuf
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Walking#sthash.M9QhPhyq.dpuf
Leviticus 26:12
'I will also walk among you and be your God, and you shall be My people.
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Walking#sthash.M9QhPhyq.dpuf
- See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Walking#sthash.M9QhPhyq.dpuf
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
sunroom, sweet sunroom
This may easily be my favorite and most neglected of all the rooms in my house. As I spent some time out here relaxing, reading, praying, contemplating tonight I was reminded of how precious these moments are. It was a beautiful evening. I was able to come home, play with my little guy, go for a walk, go for a jog, exercise in the park, come home to bathe my baby, enjoy a shower myself, walk around the house and pick up a little, run across the street to visit with a sister, come home make popcorn and enjoy it... finally... sit back and enjoy it-- in my sun-room. What a beautiful night! I am so thankful for the sunshine. I am thankful for the fresh garden that is starting to poke through. I'm thankful for the sweet toddler toys that are beginning to consume my backyard. I'm thankful for the cloth diapers that are overtaking my sun-room. I am thankful for so very many things. And yet, it was just the most simple of evenings. This is what life is all about. This room helps remind me that this is what it's all about. And it's wonderful!
Oh summer, how I'm going to welcome you with open arms. We will certainly love the many hours we can spend in the sweet sun-room!
"When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep."
Genesis 28:11
Oh summer, how I'm going to welcome you with open arms. We will certainly love the many hours we can spend in the sweet sun-room!
"When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep."
Genesis 28:11
Friday, May 8, 2015
Being a mother is....
Being a mother is...
Luke 1:46-48
And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed..."
- fighting with your toddler to put a diaper on
- picking up the entire drawer of Tupperware about 100 times a day
- chairs laying on the floor so that the baby is safe
- garbage cans on top of counters
- missing remotes/keys/phones... found in drawers the next day
- 1,000 boogers, mostly wiped on your pant leg
- sippy cups.... oh the sippy cups, everywhere!!
- cleaning up after spilled sippy cups
- washing the floor (mostly under the highchair) at least 3/4 times a day
- packing and repacking a bag for every adventure outside of the house
- cooking, loading the dishwasher and writing a check while the baby is on your hip (or hugging your leg)
- brushing teeth, well helping brush his... and having him help brush mine
- closing the toilet- pulling him off the toilet- taking him out of the bathroom, yet again
- washing the diapers.... drying the diapers... putting the diapers back together again
- putting the shoes away-- "wait, when did I wear these shoes?"
- grabbing the clip to close the under the sink cupboards for the 20th time in a day
- cleaning up the spill
- running the bath
- fighting for jammies
- stopping the cooking, loading and writing to have a momentary dance with the boy
- waiting to clean the toys and building blocks instead
- not folding the laundry, but instead reading that extra book
- watching him learn something new for the first time
- feeling him squeeze my neck and snuggle into my shoulder
- the 1,000's of kisses and millions of hugs
- that SMILE
- always having a walking partner
- seeing the simple things in a different light b/c of how he sees them
- singing a song
- clapping our hands
- learning a word
- that SMILE
- rocking in the chair
- playing with that ball
- smelling that flower... and maybe eating it too
- brushing cheeks
- high fives, knuckles and pointer finger tricks
- downward facing dog with a mini-me
- that SMILE
- the head down, butt up, arms tucked comfort feeling
- spending an extra 30 minutes rocking my big boy to bed because there is NO WHERE else in the entire world that I'd rather be...
- the most exciting trip of lifetime
- the best adventure to be on
- the most raw and authentic journey to travel
- the most precious gift
Luke 1:46-48
And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed..."
Monday, April 27, 2015
Ups and downs
So we have had a quite eventful time finding daycare for our sweet little Logan. It seemed that moving home (Dawson) would be the best situation for us b/c we knew that we wanted to raise a family close to our own families. Move home... have babies... raise babies... have them be close to their grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. It just made sense. We never imagined that moving home would prove to be so difficult on us in the sense of finding daycare.
There are a number of things that I am thankful about in our current situation: 1. We are close to family and they have been willing and able to help us much in the first year and a half, 2. We know most of the people in Dawson and thus have been comfortable sending him to daycare b/c we feel like we 'know' the providers that have been able to take Logan, 3. Logan is an easy-going little boy and he goes with the flow for the most part.
Then, there a number of things that have proved difficult about daycare in Dawson including: 1. We could not find a spot for Logan while he was an infant... and then until he was one... and then after he turned one, etc. etc. which in part lead to number 2. We have had to switch daycare providers a couple times during his short life, 3. We have had to rely on family help more than we'd like to, 4. We miss out on precious time with our sweet boy while we are away at work and he grows and changes, 5. We don't always see eye to eye with our current provider which leads us into our current predicament--- loss of daycare once again.
Now, at 16 months, we are again relying on family support/help and some extra prayers to get through the five week push between now and end of the school year.
I'm sad about this situation. I'm sad b/c of how things ended with our provider. I'm sad to take Logan out of his routine. I'm sad that I feel upset about how the situation was handled and I'm sad that I feel like this small town will thrive off our little bit of daycare drama. I want to have everything be peaches and roses and smoothed over. I want everyone to be happy and nice.... I'm sad that I know Logan was well taken care of, even if we disagreed on certain 'rules' or 'requirements'.
I guess this is a dumb post. I think I just needed to process it all and feel like I'm at peace with the situation. I'm wanting to move on and not wanting to cause hurt/harm/animosity in doing so. I like peace... I like people to be happy. I'm ready to see the end of our current situation and the joy of things that are to come.
I'm thankful that Jesus is the ultimate provider and that He sees and prepares a way for us before we are even in the situation. He is in control and I trust in His ways.
There are a number of things that I am thankful about in our current situation: 1. We are close to family and they have been willing and able to help us much in the first year and a half, 2. We know most of the people in Dawson and thus have been comfortable sending him to daycare b/c we feel like we 'know' the providers that have been able to take Logan, 3. Logan is an easy-going little boy and he goes with the flow for the most part.
Then, there a number of things that have proved difficult about daycare in Dawson including: 1. We could not find a spot for Logan while he was an infant... and then until he was one... and then after he turned one, etc. etc. which in part lead to number 2. We have had to switch daycare providers a couple times during his short life, 3. We have had to rely on family help more than we'd like to, 4. We miss out on precious time with our sweet boy while we are away at work and he grows and changes, 5. We don't always see eye to eye with our current provider which leads us into our current predicament--- loss of daycare once again.
Now, at 16 months, we are again relying on family support/help and some extra prayers to get through the five week push between now and end of the school year.
I'm sad about this situation. I'm sad b/c of how things ended with our provider. I'm sad to take Logan out of his routine. I'm sad that I feel upset about how the situation was handled and I'm sad that I feel like this small town will thrive off our little bit of daycare drama. I want to have everything be peaches and roses and smoothed over. I want everyone to be happy and nice.... I'm sad that I know Logan was well taken care of, even if we disagreed on certain 'rules' or 'requirements'.
I guess this is a dumb post. I think I just needed to process it all and feel like I'm at peace with the situation. I'm wanting to move on and not wanting to cause hurt/harm/animosity in doing so. I like peace... I like people to be happy. I'm ready to see the end of our current situation and the joy of things that are to come.
I'm thankful that Jesus is the ultimate provider and that He sees and prepares a way for us before we are even in the situation. He is in control and I trust in His ways.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Holy week
What a beautiful time to sit back and remember how important WE are. I have been struggling with the Easter holiday, as of late, just because it was a much anticipated time for celebration and sharing our good news. Looking back on the last three weeks, I am saddened to say that I almost resented the fact that Easter was coming. Why would I want another reminder of the baby that isn't... why would I want to celebrate when my heart is still so broken...
Enter: Jesus. He comes, he comforts, he mends.
HE was broken for me. How could I resent the one day that we are intentionally supposed to celebrate the greatest gift He ever gave?
You see, I have been sad; but, I've been happy more.
I have been hurt; but I've been whole more.
I have been grieving, but I've been celebrating more.
Jesus died for me. And you! He made me whole before I was ever broken. He forgave my sins before I ever committed them. He LOVES with absolutely no reservation. How can I not be excited to celebrate the new life He has given to me?
Our angel baby will celebrate, too. In a more beautiful and glorious way than we here on Earth.
Sad for what was to be... yes.
But more joyful of what is to come... absolutely.
Thank you, Jesus, for your constant love and reminders of your goodness.
Luke 24: 6-7
He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ”
Enter: Jesus. He comes, he comforts, he mends.
HE was broken for me. How could I resent the one day that we are intentionally supposed to celebrate the greatest gift He ever gave?
You see, I have been sad; but, I've been happy more.
I have been hurt; but I've been whole more.
I have been grieving, but I've been celebrating more.
Jesus died for me. And you! He made me whole before I was ever broken. He forgave my sins before I ever committed them. He LOVES with absolutely no reservation. How can I not be excited to celebrate the new life He has given to me?
Our angel baby will celebrate, too. In a more beautiful and glorious way than we here on Earth.
Sad for what was to be... yes.
But more joyful of what is to come... absolutely.
Thank you, Jesus, for your constant love and reminders of your goodness.
Christ is risen... risen indeed!
He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ”
Sunday, March 22, 2015
He Said
While jogging along tonight I came across an 'oldie, but goodie'. It came at the perfect timing as I was 'down in the dumps' again about losing the baby.
"I won't give you more... more than you can take. I might let you bend, but I won't let you break. I'll never let you go...."
Thank you, Jesus, for reminders and encouragement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0XYsfEyDA
"I won't give you more... more than you can take. I might let you bend, but I won't let you break. I'll never let you go...."
Thank you, Jesus, for reminders and encouragement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_0XYsfEyDA
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Friday the 13th (Take two)
It seems unreal to me that it was just a month ago that I learned about this little baby. Four weeks we've known, celebrated, planned, discussed, dreamed of our little October baby. But this time around Friday the 13th wasn't so good to us.
I had some very small spotting on Thursday evening... not enough to even worry about really. Pink, super light, only when I wiped. But I worried. This time everything was different. I felt great! I was never sick. I had such few pregnancy symptoms the past nine weeks and that made me nervous. I was so excited for our ultrasound on Monday so we could hear the baby's heartbeat, see our little peanut and begin to share our wonderful news. Only this Friday the 13th wasn't so kind to us.
The bleeding got worse and worse throughout the day. Still only enough to wear a panty liner. But then I started to feel it... and then there were clots. The doctor said to come in. Wanted to check it all out and set our mind's at ease... or know if there was something wrong. There was something wrong. I could just feel it.
Ironic, sad, or just plain cruel but I had been so nervous about feeling so good with this baby that I looked into the rates/chances of miscarriage in the first trimester. The good news was: the longer you were pregnant, the less likely you were to miscarry. Actually, by 9 weeks the chance dropped down to the absolute lowest it would drop down to-- 2%. I was feeling good, I was looking good, and baby was exactly 9 weeks. Things were looking up!!
We prayed... and we prayed... and we prayed. We prayed together, we prayed apart. I know Jordan and my prayers aligned. There were all something along the lines of "keep our baby healthy and help our baby grow... but if that is not your plan Lord, then help us remember your plans are greater than ours... Your will be done Lord, Your will be done." But I really didn't want this to be His will. I really didn't want to lose this baby.
We got to the clinic a little after 3:00. The ultrasound wasn't good... I suspected it wouldn't be. She didn't see what she wanted to see, so she wanted to do an transvaginal ultrasound, too. I could go to the bathroom first. What a relief... I really had to go. Except this time, it was really not good. There in the ultrasound bathroom we lost our baby number two. It felt so strange.... and it felt sooo sad. My body hurt. My heart was broken.
In one of the worst moments of my life, God offered peace and understanding. As our sweet little Logan began to provide comfort to us in a way that we couldn't comfort each-other, He reminded us that HE is still in charge. "Your will be done, Lord, Your will be done." Logan curled in to hug and comfort me as I fumbled with the loss of his little brother or sister. Logan patted me on the shoulder and offered up kiss upon kiss as I wept with a broken heart. Logan provided healing through a way that was far greater than a human healing can be done. Jesus worked to remind us of His broken heart, His understanding and His healing through our healthy little boy.
Sadness... brokenness.... aches... pain... sum of the rest of that crappy Friday the 13th. God is the healer and provider and I strongly put my faith in His plans for our future and our family. I know He will provide for us. A little bit of my heart is missing today... a little bit might be missing forever. I am grieving our October baby and praying that God is comforting and providing for this baby in a way that we couldn't hear on Earth.
God is still good, even in this, God is still good.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-- Jeremiah 29:11
It was a really great 9 weeks, baby... really great!
I had some very small spotting on Thursday evening... not enough to even worry about really. Pink, super light, only when I wiped. But I worried. This time everything was different. I felt great! I was never sick. I had such few pregnancy symptoms the past nine weeks and that made me nervous. I was so excited for our ultrasound on Monday so we could hear the baby's heartbeat, see our little peanut and begin to share our wonderful news. Only this Friday the 13th wasn't so kind to us.
The bleeding got worse and worse throughout the day. Still only enough to wear a panty liner. But then I started to feel it... and then there were clots. The doctor said to come in. Wanted to check it all out and set our mind's at ease... or know if there was something wrong. There was something wrong. I could just feel it.
Ironic, sad, or just plain cruel but I had been so nervous about feeling so good with this baby that I looked into the rates/chances of miscarriage in the first trimester. The good news was: the longer you were pregnant, the less likely you were to miscarry. Actually, by 9 weeks the chance dropped down to the absolute lowest it would drop down to-- 2%. I was feeling good, I was looking good, and baby was exactly 9 weeks. Things were looking up!!
We prayed... and we prayed... and we prayed. We prayed together, we prayed apart. I know Jordan and my prayers aligned. There were all something along the lines of "keep our baby healthy and help our baby grow... but if that is not your plan Lord, then help us remember your plans are greater than ours... Your will be done Lord, Your will be done." But I really didn't want this to be His will. I really didn't want to lose this baby.
We got to the clinic a little after 3:00. The ultrasound wasn't good... I suspected it wouldn't be. She didn't see what she wanted to see, so she wanted to do an transvaginal ultrasound, too. I could go to the bathroom first. What a relief... I really had to go. Except this time, it was really not good. There in the ultrasound bathroom we lost our baby number two. It felt so strange.... and it felt sooo sad. My body hurt. My heart was broken.
In one of the worst moments of my life, God offered peace and understanding. As our sweet little Logan began to provide comfort to us in a way that we couldn't comfort each-other, He reminded us that HE is still in charge. "Your will be done, Lord, Your will be done." Logan curled in to hug and comfort me as I fumbled with the loss of his little brother or sister. Logan patted me on the shoulder and offered up kiss upon kiss as I wept with a broken heart. Logan provided healing through a way that was far greater than a human healing can be done. Jesus worked to remind us of His broken heart, His understanding and His healing through our healthy little boy.
Sadness... brokenness.... aches... pain... sum of the rest of that crappy Friday the 13th. God is the healer and provider and I strongly put my faith in His plans for our future and our family. I know He will provide for us. A little bit of my heart is missing today... a little bit might be missing forever. I am grieving our October baby and praying that God is comforting and providing for this baby in a way that we couldn't hear on Earth.
God is still good, even in this, God is still good.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-- Jeremiah 29:11
It was a really great 9 weeks, baby... really great!
Here we go again!! :)
Friday, February 13th... Friday the 13th-- yikes, right??
I guess Friday the 13th is lucky for us! I suspected that I might be pregnant as I prepared myself to take that lovely pee test. I wanted to know. I wanted to know b/c I was going to a concert that night with my mom and sisters... could I drink? Should I drink? I wanted to know because tomorrow was Valentine's Day. Would I be able to share the news with Jordan as we celebrated? I wanted to know because I needed to make a decision on what to do next year... will I stay in the high school or go back to the elementary? So many reasons why I needed to know. I was exactly one week late. I had taken a test earlier in the week to see b/c I knew there was a chance we could be. Negative.
So on this lovely Friday the 13th, I got up at 5:15 for our 6 am bootcamp. I worked out, showered, snuggled L-man and sent him off with his daddy to daycare. I took a pee.
I peed and I waited.... tick-tock, tick-tock...
I came back to see- the faint blue plus sign!! It happened, again! I cried, laughed, I prayed, I thanked Him. God's plans are far better than our own right? Only this time, our plans seemed to be somewhat aligned. What a great day! I spent the day soaking up the joy and newness of this little baby. We are having another baby. Logan will be a big brother. We will have two babies under two! Wow!
I'm more scared and less scared at the same time. I'm more excited and more nervous this time. I'm anxious and I'm calm. It's all new again. Every baby is a blessing, every baby is a miracle. This second little miracle is already loved so much!! We can't wait to meet you this fall, baby! We already love you so much!!
I guess Friday the 13th is lucky for us! I suspected that I might be pregnant as I prepared myself to take that lovely pee test. I wanted to know. I wanted to know b/c I was going to a concert that night with my mom and sisters... could I drink? Should I drink? I wanted to know because tomorrow was Valentine's Day. Would I be able to share the news with Jordan as we celebrated? I wanted to know because I needed to make a decision on what to do next year... will I stay in the high school or go back to the elementary? So many reasons why I needed to know. I was exactly one week late. I had taken a test earlier in the week to see b/c I knew there was a chance we could be. Negative.
So on this lovely Friday the 13th, I got up at 5:15 for our 6 am bootcamp. I worked out, showered, snuggled L-man and sent him off with his daddy to daycare. I took a pee.
I peed and I waited.... tick-tock, tick-tock...
I came back to see- the faint blue plus sign!! It happened, again! I cried, laughed, I prayed, I thanked Him. God's plans are far better than our own right? Only this time, our plans seemed to be somewhat aligned. What a great day! I spent the day soaking up the joy and newness of this little baby. We are having another baby. Logan will be a big brother. We will have two babies under two! Wow!
I'm more scared and less scared at the same time. I'm more excited and more nervous this time. I'm anxious and I'm calm. It's all new again. Every baby is a blessing, every baby is a miracle. This second little miracle is already loved so much!! We can't wait to meet you this fall, baby! We already love you so much!!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
A typical morning
In the life of a toddler mommy...
It looks something like this:
6:00 wake up (on own sometimes-- beautiful days when I can pee on my own, brush my teeth and MAYBE, just maybe pick out my outfit all before I hear the giggle/chatter/whine from the room next door).
6:10 get Logan up, change his soaking wet, over-flowing, peed through diaper. Maybe throw him in the tub and put his sheets in the washing machine.
6:20 fight with Logan about getting a diaper on and trying to dress him. OR make daddy do this while I begin brushing my teeth, hair and possibly getting dressed.
6:30-6:50 put three curls in my hair, throw some mascara on, find an outfit that matches all while chasing after Logan and keeping him out of the toilet, garbage and dresser drawers. Give in and let him pull every pair of socks out of the drawer b/c that is easier than bathing him again after he plays in the toilet... oh wait, did I put deodorant on yet?
7:00 finish putting myself together and picking up a million socks (or blocks or pairs of underwear...), make the bed, put dirty clothes away and possibly through a load of laundry in.
7:10 chase after Logan while throwing together an on-the-go breakfast (oatmeal anyone?) and plopping a container of lettuce in my school bag for lunch. Pick up all of the tupperware and put it away. Get Logan's shoes on, and grab his coat.
7:20 Get my bag ready and make sure Logan's bag has diapers. Throw my jacket and shoes on. Get Logan to put his coat on. Put away all of the utensils from the bottom drawer and throw away any leftover crackers (or other quick snack) off the ground.
7:25 fight with Logan to get him strapped into car seat (only every other day). Find something for him tohold throw in the backseat. Run back inside to grab my vitamins, another bag or whatever else I forgot on my first trip out.
7:27 listen to L sing/coo/laugh/chat in the backseat like a happy lark.
7:30 drop Logan off at daycare and watch him wave and blow kisses to me. My heart breaks... every.single.time.
7:35 arrive and work. Eat my breakfast, begin my day and miss my boy(s) like crazy. Stare at pictures of L and think of his silly laugh!
And the countdown begins... only 8 hours and 25 minutes until I get to pick him up! :)
It looks something like this:
6:00 wake up (on own sometimes-- beautiful days when I can pee on my own, brush my teeth and MAYBE, just maybe pick out my outfit all before I hear the giggle/chatter/whine from the room next door).
6:10 get Logan up, change his soaking wet, over-flowing, peed through diaper. Maybe throw him in the tub and put his sheets in the washing machine.
6:20 fight with Logan about getting a diaper on and trying to dress him. OR make daddy do this while I begin brushing my teeth, hair and possibly getting dressed.
6:30-6:50 put three curls in my hair, throw some mascara on, find an outfit that matches all while chasing after Logan and keeping him out of the toilet, garbage and dresser drawers. Give in and let him pull every pair of socks out of the drawer b/c that is easier than bathing him again after he plays in the toilet... oh wait, did I put deodorant on yet?
7:00 finish putting myself together and picking up a million socks (or blocks or pairs of underwear...), make the bed, put dirty clothes away and possibly through a load of laundry in.
7:10 chase after Logan while throwing together an on-the-go breakfast (oatmeal anyone?) and plopping a container of lettuce in my school bag for lunch. Pick up all of the tupperware and put it away. Get Logan's shoes on, and grab his coat.
7:20 Get my bag ready and make sure Logan's bag has diapers. Throw my jacket and shoes on. Get Logan to put his coat on. Put away all of the utensils from the bottom drawer and throw away any leftover crackers (or other quick snack) off the ground.
7:25 fight with Logan to get him strapped into car seat (only every other day). Find something for him to
7:27 listen to L sing/coo/laugh/chat in the backseat like a happy lark.
7:30 drop Logan off at daycare and watch him wave and blow kisses to me. My heart breaks... every.single.time.
7:35 arrive and work. Eat my breakfast, begin my day and miss my boy(s) like crazy. Stare at pictures of L and think of his silly laugh!
And the countdown begins... only 8 hours and 25 minutes until I get to pick him up! :)
That giggle...
Oh man, oh man does this little guy have the cutest giggle. I literally cry when I listen to him belly-laugh sometimes. It.is.SO.cute!! I think there is nothing sweeter than listening to a child laugh and enjoy life. It is sweet and innocent. L-man has been so funny lately. He will laugh at the silliest things. We can get him to giggle if he is tickled in the right spot. He likes to be scared and loves to play peek-a-boo. He laughs when his daddy makes funny faces and he loves to be chased around the house. His laugh is so contagious. Sometimes, at the end of the day, after the house is picked up, the floors are washed, the laundry is folded and I'm finally ready to sit and relax.... all I want to do is go wake up little L and get him to giggle. I don't do this (most days), but I sure want to.
His laugh melts my heart. His laugh makes me laugh. His laugh makes everything a little bit better.
Children's' laughter... nothing better!
Happy Thursday. May your weekend be full of love and LAUGHTER! :)
His laugh melts my heart. His laugh makes me laugh. His laugh makes everything a little bit better.
Children's' laughter... nothing better!
Happy Thursday. May your weekend be full of love and LAUGHTER! :)
Monday, February 16, 2015
The first of many forts
We had an awesome weekend. It is President's Day/Valentine's weekend so that means I got Friday and Monday off to be home with L. Jordan worked both days, but we did enjoy the weekend.
The boys had a boys' night on Friday while I attended a concert with my mom and sisters. Yippy for girl time (and boy time)! Saturday, the three of us took a quick trip to Willmar to get a few errands taken care of. When we were home, the boys started making a fort to play in. Jordan thought it was high-time that Logan learn how to build and play in forts. He got such a kick out of it. Building the fort, putting the blankets up, playing peek-a-boo... it was all such fun.
Made me smile as I mostly sat back and watched them playing. Made me thankful that Logan has such a good, playful daddy to help him learn things like building a fort. It also made me thankful to see how happy L was in such a simple activity. He really is easily amused. We are blessed to have such a good boy. I'm thankful for weekends like this past weekend to remind me that love really does make the world go round... and that we are STILL having the time of our lives.
Proverbs 15:13
A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
The boys had a boys' night on Friday while I attended a concert with my mom and sisters. Yippy for girl time (and boy time)! Saturday, the three of us took a quick trip to Willmar to get a few errands taken care of. When we were home, the boys started making a fort to play in. Jordan thought it was high-time that Logan learn how to build and play in forts. He got such a kick out of it. Building the fort, putting the blankets up, playing peek-a-boo... it was all such fun.
Made me smile as I mostly sat back and watched them playing. Made me thankful that Logan has such a good, playful daddy to help him learn things like building a fort. It also made me thankful to see how happy L was in such a simple activity. He really is easily amused. We are blessed to have such a good boy. I'm thankful for weekends like this past weekend to remind me that love really does make the world go round... and that we are STILL having the time of our lives.
Proverbs 15:13
A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Baptism blessings
We were able to spend the day with family to celebrate Miss Addelyn's baptism. It was such a wonderful day. God has been so good to us. As I stood up to sponsor this sweet girl I thought of how very loved she is. She had her siblings and many cousins surrounding her. It was pretty chaotic; but in such a good way. She has so many people to look up to as she grows and learns. She has many aunts/uncles, grandparents, siblings, cousins and wonderful parents to help guide her to living a godly life.
I'm thankful to have her in my life. I'm thankful that I get to see her grow up. I'm thankful that God has redeemed her and called her His own. Baptism really is a beautiful gift.
"For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ."
[Galatians 3:27]
[Galatians 3:27]
Walk this way
Walking... Finally, officially walking! L-man took his first few steps on Christmas Day 2014 at just over 1 year. He began really walking multiple steps and finding his balance at 13 months. But now, just a couple weeks later he is a fulltime walker. He is so busy. He sleeps so well at night. All that exercise seems to wear him out.
It is so very fun to watch him grow, learn, and explore each day. We find ourselves spending much time each day just taking in his explorations. Oh how fun!
Well now that he is walking and talking we can start telling him to sit down and be quiet! (Courtesy of my grandma)
Genesis 13:17
"Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you."
Sunday, January 18, 2015
A walk in the park
Well, it wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but it was a WALK... on January 18th!! We wrapped up 'the littles' and took them out on the town today for a good hour long walk. It was amazing! Although spring is not exactly 'right around the corner' it was a welcome change of scenery for us after a couple months of being couped up. It has been such a nice couple days. I enjoy, and appreciate, the strong sunshine as it beats down through the living room window. I smile to see the grass start to peek out and footprints start to disappear. I'm a realistic (for the most part) so I realize that this spring-like weather will be short-lived; I probably enjoy it even more for that reason alone.
What a great day. We slept in--kinda... We had a family breakfast. We got some things done around the house. We had a cousin play-date. And... we went for a walk!! Oh how good fresh air is for our souls. What a beautiful, blessed day!
Philippians 2:15-16
Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.
What a great day. We slept in--kinda... We had a family breakfast. We got some things done around the house. We had a cousin play-date. And... we went for a walk!! Oh how good fresh air is for our souls. What a beautiful, blessed day!
Philippians 2:15-16
Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Story-time!
I love to hear my husband read to our little guy. I think it has recently become my favorite sound! I absolutely love to be cleaning the kitchen, folding clothes, washing the floor, cleaning the bathroom, putting toys away or any of the other mundane daily tasks that I seem to stay busy with each evening while Jordan spends time reading to Logan. Little man had recently begun to thoroughly enjoy storytime and sits so nicely in the early evening to hear a story. I have stopped to listen and/or observe my guys lately because I don't want to forget how precious this time is. Although I love, love, love reading and cuddling with little man, my heart softens just a little bit more when both my boys are having a sweet moment of their own.
Each stage has been so much fun! This one is no exception!! What a great life!
"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go!" --Dr. Seuss
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
cold hands, warm hearts
I don't remember where this saying comes from... Kay Jewelry maybe??
I feel like my today was a perfect example of this saying coming to life. It was terribly cold today. My hands (and feet and ears and nose) were all literally so cold. However, as I reflect on all the goodness that this day encompassed, my heart feels so warm.
It started with a late start so we were able to spend a few extra minutes warming our toes and cuddling with the morning bottle instead of jumping out of bed to start the day. My day at work was nothing special or out of the ordinary. The warm heart part really kicked in around 6:30 this evening when our little boy was starting his evening bottle and cuddling on my lap to his bedtime story. He was so cuddly tonight. He is not always cuddly and easily contented, so when he is I really relish in it. We cuddled for a good 45 minutes before he fell asleep in my arms. Ohhh.... what a beautiful thing. This boy truly melts my heart... even on the coldest of days!
I feel like my today was a perfect example of this saying coming to life. It was terribly cold today. My hands (and feet and ears and nose) were all literally so cold. However, as I reflect on all the goodness that this day encompassed, my heart feels so warm.
It started with a late start so we were able to spend a few extra minutes warming our toes and cuddling with the morning bottle instead of jumping out of bed to start the day. My day at work was nothing special or out of the ordinary. The warm heart part really kicked in around 6:30 this evening when our little boy was starting his evening bottle and cuddling on my lap to his bedtime story. He was so cuddly tonight. He is not always cuddly and easily contented, so when he is I really relish in it. We cuddled for a good 45 minutes before he fell asleep in my arms. Ohhh.... what a beautiful thing. This boy truly melts my heart... even on the coldest of days!
Proverbs 23:26
"My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways..."
Monday, January 5, 2015
New Year... New Blogpost... all year!
A New Year's Resolution for 2015!
1 blog-post each week all year long.
That equals 52 blog-posts throughout this year.
I'm allowing grace to myself and some leniency with the time frame that these posts must be done. For example, if I do not get one in one week, I'll make up for it the next week. :) By the end of the year I will have a minimum of 52 posts. This one is all for you, ma! (Since no one else reads this) :)
So.... 2015. Ready or not....
I am thankful for the beautiful year that just closed up. 2014 was a year of sweet, precious moments. My first year as a mom. My first year of watching our boy grow/change/learn/develop/thrive. We had so many wonderful moments in that year. I won't begin to jot down all the fun milestones our little boy has accomplished this past year. Instead, I'll reflect, momentarily, on the images my heart smiles about day in and day out.
1. a big toothy grin (ever changing from 1 cute bottom tooth, to two teeth, four teeth and now a mouthful of 10 teeth!
2. a sweet, tender curly-que on the back of his blonde head
3. a plethora of curly-ques that matte down and stick up and catch to static
4. a soft hand that pats my shoulder ever so gently
5. the most darling chuckle I've ever heard
6. the 'thinking' look that our little man gives to anyone and anything he isn't quite sure about
7. his hand lying softly in mine as he starts to fall alseep
8. 'mamamamammama' is there a better sound??
9. the small hand that flaps a lip and makes a motor sound for his own (and others') entertainment
10. the way his hands tuck under his belly and he curls in as he gets rocked to sleep
11. staring in his eyes, while he stares back into mine
This boy melts my heart. I am so happy to be his mom. I love this journey and can't wait to blog more about his life and how he helps me have the time of mine!
2015--- a year with so much potential, a year with fun to be had and memories to be made!
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
1 blog-post each week all year long.
That equals 52 blog-posts throughout this year.
I'm allowing grace to myself and some leniency with the time frame that these posts must be done. For example, if I do not get one in one week, I'll make up for it the next week. :) By the end of the year I will have a minimum of 52 posts. This one is all for you, ma! (Since no one else reads this) :)
So.... 2015. Ready or not....
I am thankful for the beautiful year that just closed up. 2014 was a year of sweet, precious moments. My first year as a mom. My first year of watching our boy grow/change/learn/develop/thrive. We had so many wonderful moments in that year. I won't begin to jot down all the fun milestones our little boy has accomplished this past year. Instead, I'll reflect, momentarily, on the images my heart smiles about day in and day out.
1. a big toothy grin (ever changing from 1 cute bottom tooth, to two teeth, four teeth and now a mouthful of 10 teeth!
2. a sweet, tender curly-que on the back of his blonde head
3. a plethora of curly-ques that matte down and stick up and catch to static
4. a soft hand that pats my shoulder ever so gently
5. the most darling chuckle I've ever heard
6. the 'thinking' look that our little man gives to anyone and anything he isn't quite sure about
7. his hand lying softly in mine as he starts to fall alseep
8. 'mamamamammama' is there a better sound??
9. the small hand that flaps a lip and makes a motor sound for his own (and others') entertainment
10. the way his hands tuck under his belly and he curls in as he gets rocked to sleep
11. staring in his eyes, while he stares back into mine
This boy melts my heart. I am so happy to be his mom. I love this journey and can't wait to blog more about his life and how he helps me have the time of mine!
2015--- a year with so much potential, a year with fun to be had and memories to be made!
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
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